Why is January the Peak Month for Depression?

The third Monday of every January has been declared “the most depressing day of the year.” Even though there’s little scientific evidence that depressed moods peak at this time, many people do start to feel blue this time of year for one reason or another. In many parts of the country, the weather is cold and dreary, the holidays are over and the credit card bills from said holidays need to be paid.

 

It’s important to note, that there’s a significant difference between feeling a little blue and suffering from clinical depression. If you’re not sure whether what you’re feeling is a temporary “funk” or something serious, please reach out to a healthcare professional.

But, for those suffering from clinical depression, January as a whole can be an extremely troubling period of time.

 

Family dysfunction or unresolved childhood trauma can play a big role in depression after the holidays. The holidays tend to be a time where we have an abundance of expectations and needs. Unfortunately for most of us, these expectations and needs do not get met in exactly the way we hoped or imagined. In a dysfunctional family, the results can be even worse with unmet needs leading to the feeling of “I don’t matter.”

“Since human nature is to resolve conflict and trauma, we often tend to replay our trauma with our family this time of year, looking for resolution. When we do not get the resolution we hoped for, we can end up feeling emotionally exhausted, distraught or sometimes completely numb, “ says Scott Davis, Clinical Director at The Meadows. “Depression becomes a way to cope with the anxiety and lack of fulfillment we feel throughout the holidays and immediately after.”

There’s also difference between a “winter funk” and the more severe condition, seasonal affective disorder, a form of clinical depression that takes place during the winter months. Most people do not get enough Vitamin D or Vitamin K during the winter, which can lead to a lack of energy and motivation, and eventually depression.

It’s important to recognize and treat depression because it limits people’s ability to live their lives to the fullest and function well on a daily basis.

Treatment for Depression

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an important and effective approach in treating depression at The Meadows Inpatient and Outpatient programs, where relief can be found through a change in negative thought patterns. Our clinicians and therapists specialize in treating the underlying causes of depression as well as the symptoms that have surfaced from the depression. 

 

Depression is overwhelming, but there is hope. Even the most severe and complicated cases of depression are treatable, and here at The Meadows, we offer individualized treatment so each of our patients can enjoy a more fulfilling life.

To learn more about our innovative treatment programs for depression, contact us here or call us at 866-904-4879.

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Some Men Can’t Stop Exposing Themselves Online

Roughly one-third of all men arrested for sexual offenses in the U.S. were caught engaging in exhibitionism, which generally involves exposing one’s genitals to a non-consenting stranger. Many psychologists and sex addiction experts today believe that the internet presents an overwhelming temptation to act on impulses and can escalate exhibitionism. Additionally, the increasing popularity of taking exhibitionism to the online world has almost normalized the behavior. This may, in fact, be a factor in the case of former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner, who resigned from office in 2011 after multiple sexting scandals became public and made the news again recently when he checked himself into a treatment center for sex addiction. 

 

In Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Gentle Path at The Meadows’ clinical architect Dr. Patrick Carnes describes exhibitionism as a Level Two addictive behavior. Level Two behaviors are considered intrusive enough to warrant legal action. Often the risk and potential consequences of exhibitionism play a role in the addictive process.

However, the internet has significantly reduced the legal and personal risks of exposing and exhibitionism. It almost seems commonplace these days for people to send nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves via text messages or messaging apps. Online video technologies and new social media platforms like Periscope and Facebook Live allow people to broadcast provocative images of themselves in real time from the safety of their own homes.

People who use dating apps and websites like Tinder or Match.com often complain of being sent these types of images without having consented or having asked for them. Not all people who engage in these behaviors are exhibitionists and/or sex addicts. But, some exhibitionists do like the “thrill” of exposing themselves in this way to people who did not consent to see the images and are shocked or disgusted by them.

Of course, although people are more likely to avoid consequences for this behavior in online environments, it is not completely risk-free, as Anthony Weiner’s example has shown us. What goes out into cyberspace stays in cyberspace, and nothing there is truly “private.” Weiner lost his career and his marriage because he either could not or would not stop. And, for every Anthony Weiner, there are many other men struggling with the same compulsions and experiencing similarly catastrophic consequences. In some cases, they are also victimizing others, especially when the person on the receiving end of their photos, videos, or explicit messages are underage, or did not expect nor consent to sexually explicit communication.

Why Some People Can’t Stop Sexting

If there’s anything that the dawn of social media has taught us, it’s that most people have exhibitionist traits—think selfies! We all sometimes crave attention and validation. The internet and the seemingly ever-increasing options we have available for online communication—social media, text messaging, video chatting—offer endless possibilities for such feedback.

For men who struggle with exhibitionism as part of a larger problem with sex addiction, however, these needs can be much more pronounced, and much more problematic.

So, what drives the exhibitionist to such extremes? According to Dr. Carnes, part of the problem lies in a distortion of courtship. Again, from Out of the Shadows:
“To look and be looked at are normal parts of adult courtship. To show “yours” to people who do not wish to see it…means that the person has eroticized a part of courtship that leaves other aspects of intimacy and sexuality underdeveloped. It is about how the person was damaged growing up.

The excitement of illicit victimization is rooted in the addicts’ anger about that hurt. Breaking the rules is a way to retaliate for hurts, real and imagined. The anger stems from a set of beliefs, family messages, and self-judgments the addicts use to interpret the world. Most addicts do not connect their behavior with anger. The excitement and arousal of the trance block the feelings, along with the rest of the pain.

The greater the anger and pain, the more excitement is required to block it. This dynamic is the key to understanding how escalation works within the addictive process. If the current behavior within the addictive cycle is no longer supplying the excitement necessary to block the pain, something with greater risk is attempted.”

All in all, addiction to exhibitionism is similar to any other process or substance addiction. It becomes a way to numb oneself from feeling the pain from their emotional wounds, and a substitute for real intimacy and connection—something the addict both longs for and fears.

Exhibitionism in Not a Victimless Crime

Being the target of by an exhibitionist, either online or in the outside world, can be very damaging and frightening. Most exhibitionists carry around the image of a person they know they have hurt. However, the addict often underestimates the danger their addiction presents both to others and to themselves.

Exhibitionists often lead double lives. They may live in constant fear that their identity will uncovered and their secrets revealed. They may also judge themselves with the same harsh criticism—weird, nuisance, irredeemable perverts. But, most can change their behaviors with the right treatment.,p> Men who take the time to face their pain and trauma, and take responsibility for their actions can heal and can stop the behaviors that are so damaging to the people they act out upon, their loved ones, and themselves. We see it happening every day at Gentle Path at The Meadows.

For more information on our inpatient and comprehensive outpatient programs for sex addiction and intimacy disorders, please call 866-531-8912 or chat with us online.

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Couples Recovering from Sex Addiction Can Reconnect

By Dr. Georgia Fourlas, LCSW, LISAC, CSAT, Rio Retreat Center Lead Therapist
There is an indescribable beauty in watching participants move into a deeper level of intimacy after struggling through the destruction of sexual addiction.

We recently held our first session of Discovery to Recovery Part 3: From Grief to Hope, a unique workshop for couples who have already begun a journey of recovery from sex addiction. The workshop focuses on helping the couple make a transition from despair to renewal.

The rebuilding process set in motion during the workshop helps couples move their focus from the individual’s addiction to the couple and their attachment. Many couples come to this session feeling that they are stuck in grief, which can leave them feeling hopeless and helpless. The grieving process that couples embark on together throughout the week allows them to honor the pain caused by other forces in their lives while examining how that pain has kept them emotionally separated.

Through honoring that pain and re-connecting with one another, couples begin to experience the hope that not only can attachment be repaired, but also that they can experience emotional intimacy that can surpass what they ever believed possible in their lives. I like to think of this as intimacy beyond their wildest dreams, which can be experienced regardless of whether or not the couple is staying together.

Some couples decide it is best for them to move forward apart while building on the hope that they can continue to honor one another as healthy co-parents or in another capacity that respects both partners while they go their separate ways. Others decide to make staying together in a mutually fulfilling and loving relationship their goal.

Experiencing Recovery Together

Dr. Ken Adams, the architect of the Discovery to Recovery workshops, has a deep passion for healing couples. He recognized that there was a gap in services for those who were looking for ways to re-attach, seek the next level of change, and achieve deeper levels of recovery together.

Dr. Adams describes how couples survive the chaos of addiction, but do not always have the opportunity to experience full emotional recovery together. They often become stuck in the negative patterns of interaction that are driven by ineffective attempts to feel understood and to have their emotional needs met by their partners. They move from the addiction to a place where they either continue to spin in pain, shame, anger, and resentment, or they disconnect emotionally and feel stuck in a relationship that they feel is emotionally unsafe.
Dr. Adams says that he views the Discovery to Recovery workshop series as “an invitation to integrate recovery concepts as a couple.” This requires a paradigm shift—the perception must move away from the problem of the individual toward the solution that can be provided as a couple. The solution involves healing through emotional reconnection and attachment repair.

One participant who recently completed the workshop said, “This workshop facilitated an 180-degree shift in how we have been relating to each other. We were very much stuck in conflict and separate corners, wanting to come together, but lost as to how to do that. This workshop showed us how to soften toward each other to allow the connection we both wanted to find, a starting place.”

How Change Happens

First order change happens when something, usually a behavior, changes to restore balance. Most recovery work begins this way.

The final phase of the Discover to Recovery workshop focuses on making second order change, which happens when a completely new way of seeing things is created, or when a major paradigm shift is internalized. Some people see it as a shift in how we view and maintain first order change. In that way, second order change in couples supports first order change, while allowing a complete transformation in the system of the coupleship.

Second order change for couples involves rewriting a new narrative for the relationship that includes a deeper level of connection and shifts the focus from the issues in the relationship to the process by which couples can deal with those issues. Learning how to interact in more tender, loving, responsive, and emotionally connected ways can promote second order change through the development of a more secure attachment.

An eclectic blend of therapeutic approaches makes this amazing workshop unique. It provides what many experts feel is the missing piece in sexual addiction recovery. Experiential work helps couples achieve deeper connection and move toward second order change. After the pain of disclosure and the vulnerability of emotional impact and emotional restitution, this workshop offers couples the opportunity to truly heal with one another and to achieve a level of attachment and intimacy that they never thought possible—intimacy beyond their wildest dreams.

“This workshop was amazing!” said one of our recent participants. “The structure of the week and the support and guidance of the facilitators provided an atmosphere that allowed my wife and me to change the trajectory of our marriage. It is not often that I am surprised by anything, but this week blew past my expectations. I am more hopeful for my marriage now than I have ever been.”

For more information on the Discovery to Recovery workshop series call 866-977-8770 or visit www.rioretreatcenter.com.

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What Is Pornography Addiction?

Lauren Timmermans, LAC, MBA, CSAT
Primary Therapist, Gentle Path at the Meadows

The viewing of pornography can absolutely exist comfortably within a relationship in which both partners have discussed usage openly and find their relationship pleasing and gratifying. Of the large number of people who view pornography at some point in their lives, only a small percentage of those individuals become addicted. For those who are addicted, pornography is a compulsion in which the individual has become powerless in the face of the “drug” and their lives have become unmanageable.

In 2008, the Internet Filter Learning Center estimated that 12 percent of the Internet consists of pornographic images or videos. Through its accessibility, affordability, and anonymity, internet pornography has increasingly attracted a wider audience. Studies have shown that an estimated 50 percent of all Internet traffic is related to sex or sexual images. Additionally, 13 percent of the United States population consumes pornography regularly; 75 percent of the viewers are male.

Three Types of Pornography Users

Dr. Carnes identifies three types of cybersex and online pornography users:
Recreational users consist of those who watch pornography in ways that are both appropriate and inappropriate, satisfy curiosity, and for educational and exploration purposes.

At-risk users are more vulnerable to compulsion, depression or stress-induced viewing. Often times, this individual is able to resist until exposed to pornography.

Sexually compulsive users are typically viewing 11 or more hours of pornography a week and have established a compulsive pattern that could be making their lives unmanageable.

Watching pornography creates an emotional bond with an artificial word. That makes it increasingly difficult to bond with real people in everyday life. It can also lead to a life where sex is void of intimacy. Sex becomes about the behavior and not about the emotion, nurturance, intimacy, and love we get through a true connection with a partner.

Another side effect that has become more evident in recent years is the escalation of the viewing. An individual can begin to view themes or genres they may once not have considered in order to get the same dopamine hit they got when they initially started watching pornography.

Signs That Your Pornography Use is Problematic

How do you know if you or a loved one potentially has a problem? Read through this list and keep track of how many resonate:

1. Preoccupation with pornography on the Internet.
2. Frequently engaging in pornography, engaging in it for prolonged periods of time, or engaging in it for longer than intended.
3. Repeated unsuccessful efforts to control or stop viewing pornography.
4. Restlessness or irritability when attempting to limit or stop engaging in pornography on the Internet.
5. Using pornography on the Internet as a way to escape from problems or to relieve feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety or depression.
6. Returning to pornography on the Internet day after day in search of increasingly more intense sexual content
7. Lying to family members, therapists, or other to conceal consumption of pornography
8. Committing illegal sexual acts in the viewing of pornography (viewing underage pornography or soliciting illegal behaviors.)
9. Jeopardizing or losing significant relationships, jobs, or education because of pornography viewing behaviors
10. Incurring financial consequences due to pornographic viewing.

Pornography Addiction Help

If you or your loved one identifies with three or more of these behaviors, it may be worth addressing with a behavioral health professional, particularly a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). By seeking help, individuals who identify with these characteristics can make positive changes to their personal relationships, realign with their higher power, regain time that was spent on addiction, and engage more fully in life. Also, feel free to give one of the Gentle Path at The Meadows Intake coordinators a call at 866-531-8912  or contact us to find out if an inpatient sex addiction treatment program might be right for you.

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Mutual Respect and The Power of Intimacy

By Dan Griffin, MA, Senior Fellow at The Meadows
Power is a very interesting phenomenon. I remember having numerous conversations about the complex intersection of power and relationships in graduate school. There was a lot of confusion as to what exactly power even is.

One of the most common misunderstandings about power is that it is a linear phenomenon. In fact, power comes at us from numerous sources all of the time.
The second most common misunderstanding is that power is a zero-sum game— either you have it or I have it. And whatever you have, I can’t have, and vice-versa. This fundamentally flawed way of thinking about power greatly impacts our experiences in relationships.

There are two main ways we experience power in our relationships: power with and power over (you have power over someone else or some else has power over you). The Man Rules say that real men have power and are never weak or powerless. Therefore, from a very early age, young boys are encouraged to find power over – power over others, power over their feelings, and power over themselves.

The Woman Rules say that women should be cooperative, passive, nurturing, selfless, and not too strong. Therefore, from a very early age, young girls are encouraged to find power with. Women are expected to share power with others even if it puts them at a disadvantage; even when it means they have to give up their own power.

And that is the rub in so many heterosexual relationships.

Making Peace with Power

You cannot have a relationship that doesn’t involve a complex interaction with power. What some people don’t often consider is that power can be healthy. In fact, it is an essential part of the day-to-day human experience.

To help us explore the complexity of power in relationships, we can look to the classic Karpman drama triangle which illustrates the shifting, and sometimes destructive, roles of persecutor, rescuer, and victim that people play in relational conflicts. In this “drama triangle” each person involved in a conflict experiences and acts out all of these roles at different times. The role we take on can determine how we perceive our partners, interpret their behavior, and interact with them.

The reason these triangles arise, and often endure, is that each person, regardless of their role, finds that they get their unspoken, and often unconscious, psychological needs met by playing these roles—roles which they most likely originally “perfected” through the power dynamic that played out within their family as a child.

Whether they play the victim or persecutor, or some combination of all three roles, in the end, each person feels justified in acting upon their needs. Feeling satisfied, they often conveniently fail to acknowledge the dysfunctional ways they tend to go about getting their needs met, or the harm that is being done as a result to themselves, their partners, or any third parties (like children) who may be directly or indirectly involved in their conflict.

When there are times of disconnection in the relationship and even if, for whatever reason, there is a loss of respect between partners, intimacy can only be restored in the space of mutuality. We have to move away from the desire to have power over our partners toward the experience of having power with them. When we are able to uncover how our emotional needs arise from our childhood trauma, and release some of that pain, we have the ability to break free from the drama triangle and build an intimate and nurturing environment of mutual respect. Is it easier to let our relationships fall into a series of power plays or to maintain a space of mutual respect? I would suggest the former. We have to build up our emotional and spiritual muscle in order to truly listen to our partners and maintain respect, especially when they are being their very human and imperfect selves and not doing what we want them to do or being who we want them to be.

Finding The Power to Choose

What is the greatest crucible for us working out all of our childhood “stuff”? Our most intimate relationships, of course.

It is like a divine joke where God says, “Okay, so you find this person you really care about and want to love? Great! Now here is all of this pain and suffering from your past that you get to sort through with them. You will often take it out on them, blame them for it, and project it onto them, which will cause all kind of intense, painful conflicts!” Wow, thanks a lot. All of those childhood experiences are deeply related to how we bring power into our relationships.

And, when you add in sex addiction and/or love addiction with trauma and drama triangles? I believe the clinical response is: Ay-yi-yi.

At the core of most sex and love addiction is a profound difficulty achieving healthy intimacy because of attachment-related trauma. Said simply, individuals who engage in addictive or compulsive behaviors related to sex and relationships have a very hard time forming attachments to others in healthy ways. No wonder then, that we are likely to see even more intensely destructive behaviors when addiction takes the stage among the three bedevilments in the Karpman triangle.

The most essential tool for any kind of personal change is awareness. With awareness, you can begin to learn how to make a choice about what you will do and how you will react at any given moment.

What we know from years of working with people at The Meadows is that choice is not always easy to access. The powerful strings of the past can pull us back to our childish and often desperate attempts to find emotional safety. And, what can offer us a feeling of safety (or at least the illusion of safety?) Power. And all of us are guilty, numerous times throughout the life of a relationship, of misusing power.

Your limbic brain—the unconscious part of your brain that’s screaming at you to find safety—doesn’t care if you use this power in a healthy and affirming way or not – it just wants the feeling of safety. That need can be satisfied, temporarily, by displaying overt and aggressive power (as men often do) or by displaying manipulative and passive power (as women often do). However—and this is the beauty of the Karpman Triangle—both of these examples are unhealthy and even abusive uses of power.

If you ask most people if they want their relationship to be based upon power plays or mutual respect, they will almost always choose the latter. Within every relationship is the constant ebb and flow of power and control between all parties. To build a truly healthy and deeply connected relationship, each person must choose, more often than not, “power with” instead of “power over,” and a healthy sense of control over a toxic need to control. The challenge is being honest enough with ourselves and our partners when we inevitably slip into those power plays and move back into a space of mutual respect. That is how we come to truly understand the power of intimacy.

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Internet Pornography Addiction Is a Growing Problem for Men, Women, and Children

Stefanie Carnes, Ph.D.recently sat down with Pat McMahon on Arizona Daily Mix to talk about the prevalence of sex and pornography addiction among men, women, and even children in our society. Dr. Carnes is a Senior Fellow at The Meadows and is the clinical architect of Willow House at The Meadows, our new love and sex addiction treatment program for women. Here are a few highlights from the conversation:

How do you diagnose someone with sex addiction?
Dr. Stefanie Carnes: It can sometimes be overdiagnosed. Some people will think that just because they are struggling a little bit with pornography or they had an affair that they are potentially a sex addict. We look for specific criteria, though, to determine if someone is a sex addict.
We’re looking to determine if the person:

• is continuing despite consequences,
• has destroyed their relationships,
• spends excessive amounts of time preoccupied with their behavior, and/or
• has tried to stop the behavior and failed.

Sex addicts can even have psychological withdrawal symptoms from not being able to access the behavior. And they can build up tolerance as well. You can have people who are compulsively viewing pornography who have to use more and more to get the same effect.

Is pornography addiction more common today?
Dr. Stefanie Carnes: Whenever you have the increased availability of something, you have more addiction. So, in places that have more bars, you have more problem drinking; where you have more casinos, you have more problem gambling; where you have meth labs, you see more meth addiction. So now that the internet is so prevalent and everywhere, we’re starting to see a lot more internet pornography addiction. For clinicians, it’s incredibly common to have that present in a patient in your office.

Are people exposed to pornography at younger ages these days?
Dr. Stefanie Carnes: The average age of first exposure to pornography is 11. We’re starting to see people have problems with it at ages as young as 9 and 10. Children are being exposed to very graphic material at an early age and they don’t know how to handle it.

If you find out that your child has seen pornography, take care not to shame them. It’s very common and we want to treat them with sensitivity. Normalize the experience. Explain that this happens to a lot of children, that anyone can be exposed to pornography. Teach them that it can be addictive and teach them about healthy sexuality. Because what they’re seeing might be violent, or perhaps unusual, or maybe even deviant sexuality depending on what kind of pornography they’re seeing. That can be difficult to understand for an 11-year-old.

Do women struggle with sex addiction too?
Dr. Stefanie Carnes: Absolutely. It’s a little bit different for women than it is for men. Women present with a little bit more love and relationship addiction as well as sex addiction, so their behaviors often involve things like multiple relationships at the same time, affairs, hooking up, falling in love over and over again, lots of sequential relationships. So, it usually presents with more of a relationship addiction feel. But, it’s also very common for women to struggle with pornography, hook-ups on online apps like Tinder, one night stands, and those kinds of things.

Does sex addiction treatment involve abstinence?
Dr. Stefanie Carnes: Recovery from sex addiction is more like recovery from an eating disorder. When you are recovering from an eating disorder, instead of abstaining, you have to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food.

What kind of treatment is available?
Dr. Stefanie Carnes: Sex Addiction is a lot more common that people think. Treatment is available on both an inpatient and outpatient basis. People tend to do very well in treatment. Sometimes they can start in outpatient treatment and get a lot of help and support there. They’ll want to get a trained therapist; someone who is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist is most helpful in these instances.

Call 800-244-4949 for more information about The Meadows’ sex addiction treatment options or send us an email.

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Understanding the Neurobiology of Sex Addiction

Alexandra Katehakis, a Senior Fellow at The Meadows, recently talked with Tami Simon of Sounds True’s Insights at the Edge podcast on a wide range of topics, including…

• the roots of sexual dysfunction,
• "grownup sex,” (i.e. sexuality based in honest communication of needs, preferences, and desires for novelty),
• asexuality,
• sexuality without intimacy, and
• why orgasms are overrated.

Alexandra will also be presenting on sexual dysregulation during Sounds True's Neuroscience Training Summit 2017 on March 23.
Here are a few highlights from the podcast episode:

What’s the difference between having a sex addiction and just being someone who just likes to have a lot of sex?

Alexandra: “One of the differences, main differences, is that people who declare themselves "sex addicts" are in a profound amount of pain as a result of their sexual behaviors. So what may have started out as fun or being used as a way to sort of get out of one's head—or not deal with psychic pain that some people know or don't know they have—quickly turns into the proverbial albatross around their neck.

They'll have a high level of preoccupation with getting into the sexual experience, so sex becomes—there's a myopia, there's a shutting down of everything other than getting that experience. It becomes a collapsing of one's life, and people typically report messes—or what they call "unmanageability" in the 12-Step Program—as a result of having this kind of destructive, painful sex. Which is different from someone who likes to have sex, enjoys it, feels sensual, it feels enlivening to them, and what we think of as life-affirming.” Have you worked with people who aren't quite sure whether or not they have a sex addiction? How do you help them?

Alexandra: “The term gets thrown around quite a bit now and it doesn’t really fit the bill unless there’s a lot of assessment that’s done appropriately to look at whether there’s a long standing pattern of compulsivity and if this person has in effect created these adaptive strategies that become states over time so if for example you have a child who grows up in a very, very dangerous dysfunctional neglectful household and they start to learn through fantasy whether ti’s comic book fantasy or more commonly we see today kids getting on the internet and looking at internet pornography as early as six and eight years old, and that is there sole way of regulating themselves or feeling good what happens is that the brain starts to form around those patterned behaviors and so what is initially a coping strategy that helps that person manage difficult, lonely, sad, terrorized feelings over time becomes who they are, and they therefore can’t not do what they do. And so that’s the point where is “an addiction.” That these are tenacious neuronal networks that are wired together in the brain because they’ve been firing together for so long.”

“So, just because someone has an affair or looks at internet pornography does not make them a sex addict, it requires a lot of scrupulous assessment to see if that’s really true for each person and then some people like that term, some people don’t. I don’t have bias about what people call it I’m more interested in helping people get out of the snarl they’re in and move towards a healthier, more life affirming sexuality.”

How do you help sex addicts find a way to heal?
Alexandra: “Well, first, I take a very extensive history, because oftentimes these patterns get set not only in childhood, but sometimes really in infancy, depending on the level to which the person is chronically dysregulated, meaning unable to soothe themselves—wherein they're always reaching for something outside of themselves to make themselves feel better.”

“Sometimes if somebody recalls or knows that their mother had a very difficult pregnancy or she was anxious or depressed at birth, that tells us that she was likely unable to attune to her infant so that she could bring his or her systems to fruition in the way they are meant to be optimally. So, if she's anxious, her infant's going to be anxious. If she's depressed, the infant will be depressed. These are functions that get set up early, early on—some of which can be changed, some of which cannot down the road.”

“Also, if that person suffered any kind of emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse as a young person, or was grossly neglected, then they're going to have a lot of trouble with regulating themselves. When a child is left alone or abused, he or she will find ways of coping. It's sort of a natural adaptive strategy for survival. So, whether it's fantasy or compulsive masturbation or, as I said before, disappearing into Internet pornography or even making up stories in one's own head, all of those things are set up to make the pain or the sadness or the loneliness go away.”

“Oftentimes, children like that are set up to become addicts, whether they're drug addicts or alcoholics or gamblers or eating—it's hard to say why people choose which behavior to be compulsive with. But when they do, it's helpful for clients to understand why what they're doing makes a lot of sense. So, rather than feeling shameful or like they're bad or damaged or broken, we look at why it makes good sense that they would be doing what they're doing today because they adapted this a long, long time ago to survive. But, now it's keeping them from having a healthy relationship or a healthy sex life, or being able to even be in a relationship, if that's what they desire. That would be the start of treatment.” Learn More

To listen to the Insights at The Edge podcast with Alexandra Katehakis in its entirety, or to read a transcript, visit the Sounds True website.
To learn more about sex addiction workshops, inpatient programs and outpatient programs offered at The Meadows call 800-244-4949 or go to www.themeadows.com.

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