Why is January the Peak Month for Depression?

The third Monday of every January has been declared “the most depressing day of the year.” Even though there’s little scientific evidence that depressed moods peak at this time, many people do start to feel blue this time of year for one reason or another. In many parts of the country, the weather is cold and dreary, the holidays are over and the credit card bills from said holidays need to be paid.

 

It’s important to note, that there’s a significant difference between feeling a little blue and suffering from clinical depression. If you’re not sure whether what you’re feeling is a temporary “funk” or something serious, please reach out to a healthcare professional.

But, for those suffering from clinical depression, January as a whole can be an extremely troubling period of time.

 

Family dysfunction or unresolved childhood trauma can play a big role in depression after the holidays. The holidays tend to be a time where we have an abundance of expectations and needs. Unfortunately for most of us, these expectations and needs do not get met in exactly the way we hoped or imagined. In a dysfunctional family, the results can be even worse with unmet needs leading to the feeling of “I don’t matter.”

“Since human nature is to resolve conflict and trauma, we often tend to replay our trauma with our family this time of year, looking for resolution. When we do not get the resolution we hoped for, we can end up feeling emotionally exhausted, distraught or sometimes completely numb, “ says Scott Davis, Clinical Director at The Meadows. “Depression becomes a way to cope with the anxiety and lack of fulfillment we feel throughout the holidays and immediately after.”

There’s also difference between a “winter funk” and the more severe condition, seasonal affective disorder, a form of clinical depression that takes place during the winter months. Most people do not get enough Vitamin D or Vitamin K during the winter, which can lead to a lack of energy and motivation, and eventually depression.

It’s important to recognize and treat depression because it limits people’s ability to live their lives to the fullest and function well on a daily basis.

Treatment for Depression

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an important and effective approach in treating depression at The Meadows Inpatient and Outpatient programs, where relief can be found through a change in negative thought patterns. Our clinicians and therapists specialize in treating the underlying causes of depression as well as the symptoms that have surfaced from the depression. 

 

Depression is overwhelming, but there is hope. Even the most severe and complicated cases of depression are treatable, and here at The Meadows, we offer individualized treatment so each of our patients can enjoy a more fulfilling life.

To learn more about our innovative treatment programs for depression, contact us here or call us at 866-904-4879.

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Some Men Can’t Stop Exposing Themselves Online

Roughly one-third of all men arrested for sexual offenses in the U.S. were caught engaging in exhibitionism, which generally involves exposing one’s genitals to a non-consenting stranger. Many psychologists and sex addiction experts today believe that the internet presents an overwhelming temptation to act on impulses and can escalate exhibitionism. Additionally, the increasing popularity of taking exhibitionism to the online world has almost normalized the behavior. This may, in fact, be a factor in the case of former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner, who resigned from office in 2011 after multiple sexting scandals became public and made the news again recently when he checked himself into a treatment center for sex addiction. 

 

In Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Gentle Path at The Meadows’ clinical architect Dr. Patrick Carnes describes exhibitionism as a Level Two addictive behavior. Level Two behaviors are considered intrusive enough to warrant legal action. Often the risk and potential consequences of exhibitionism play a role in the addictive process.

However, the internet has significantly reduced the legal and personal risks of exposing and exhibitionism. It almost seems commonplace these days for people to send nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves via text messages or messaging apps. Online video technologies and new social media platforms like Periscope and Facebook Live allow people to broadcast provocative images of themselves in real time from the safety of their own homes.

People who use dating apps and websites like Tinder or Match.com often complain of being sent these types of images without having consented or having asked for them. Not all people who engage in these behaviors are exhibitionists and/or sex addicts. But, some exhibitionists do like the “thrill” of exposing themselves in this way to people who did not consent to see the images and are shocked or disgusted by them.

Of course, although people are more likely to avoid consequences for this behavior in online environments, it is not completely risk-free, as Anthony Weiner’s example has shown us. What goes out into cyberspace stays in cyberspace, and nothing there is truly “private.” Weiner lost his career and his marriage because he either could not or would not stop. And, for every Anthony Weiner, there are many other men struggling with the same compulsions and experiencing similarly catastrophic consequences. In some cases, they are also victimizing others, especially when the person on the receiving end of their photos, videos, or explicit messages are underage, or did not expect nor consent to sexually explicit communication.

Why Some People Can’t Stop Sexting

If there’s anything that the dawn of social media has taught us, it’s that most people have exhibitionist traits—think selfies! We all sometimes crave attention and validation. The internet and the seemingly ever-increasing options we have available for online communication—social media, text messaging, video chatting—offer endless possibilities for such feedback.

For men who struggle with exhibitionism as part of a larger problem with sex addiction, however, these needs can be much more pronounced, and much more problematic.

So, what drives the exhibitionist to such extremes? According to Dr. Carnes, part of the problem lies in a distortion of courtship. Again, from Out of the Shadows:
“To look and be looked at are normal parts of adult courtship. To show “yours” to people who do not wish to see it…means that the person has eroticized a part of courtship that leaves other aspects of intimacy and sexuality underdeveloped. It is about how the person was damaged growing up.

The excitement of illicit victimization is rooted in the addicts’ anger about that hurt. Breaking the rules is a way to retaliate for hurts, real and imagined. The anger stems from a set of beliefs, family messages, and self-judgments the addicts use to interpret the world. Most addicts do not connect their behavior with anger. The excitement and arousal of the trance block the feelings, along with the rest of the pain.

The greater the anger and pain, the more excitement is required to block it. This dynamic is the key to understanding how escalation works within the addictive process. If the current behavior within the addictive cycle is no longer supplying the excitement necessary to block the pain, something with greater risk is attempted.”

All in all, addiction to exhibitionism is similar to any other process or substance addiction. It becomes a way to numb oneself from feeling the pain from their emotional wounds, and a substitute for real intimacy and connection—something the addict both longs for and fears.

Exhibitionism in Not a Victimless Crime

Being the target of by an exhibitionist, either online or in the outside world, can be very damaging and frightening. Most exhibitionists carry around the image of a person they know they have hurt. However, the addict often underestimates the danger their addiction presents both to others and to themselves.

Exhibitionists often lead double lives. They may live in constant fear that their identity will uncovered and their secrets revealed. They may also judge themselves with the same harsh criticism—weird, nuisance, irredeemable perverts. But, most can change their behaviors with the right treatment.,p> Men who take the time to face their pain and trauma, and take responsibility for their actions can heal and can stop the behaviors that are so damaging to the people they act out upon, their loved ones, and themselves. We see it happening every day at Gentle Path at The Meadows.

For more information on our inpatient and comprehensive outpatient programs for sex addiction and intimacy disorders, please call 866-531-8912 or chat with us online.

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Couples Recovering from Sex Addiction Can Reconnect

By Dr. Georgia Fourlas, LCSW, LISAC, CSAT, Rio Retreat Center Lead Therapist
There is an indescribable beauty in watching participants move into a deeper level of intimacy after struggling through the destruction of sexual addiction.

We recently held our first session of Discovery to Recovery Part 3: From Grief to Hope, a unique workshop for couples who have already begun a journey of recovery from sex addiction. The workshop focuses on helping the couple make a transition from despair to renewal.

The rebuilding process set in motion during the workshop helps couples move their focus from the individual’s addiction to the couple and their attachment. Many couples come to this session feeling that they are stuck in grief, which can leave them feeling hopeless and helpless. The grieving process that couples embark on together throughout the week allows them to honor the pain caused by other forces in their lives while examining how that pain has kept them emotionally separated.

Through honoring that pain and re-connecting with one another, couples begin to experience the hope that not only can attachment be repaired, but also that they can experience emotional intimacy that can surpass what they ever believed possible in their lives. I like to think of this as intimacy beyond their wildest dreams, which can be experienced regardless of whether or not the couple is staying together.

Some couples decide it is best for them to move forward apart while building on the hope that they can continue to honor one another as healthy co-parents or in another capacity that respects both partners while they go their separate ways. Others decide to make staying together in a mutually fulfilling and loving relationship their goal.

Experiencing Recovery Together

Dr. Ken Adams, the architect of the Discovery to Recovery workshops, has a deep passion for healing couples. He recognized that there was a gap in services for those who were looking for ways to re-attach, seek the next level of change, and achieve deeper levels of recovery together.

Dr. Adams describes how couples survive the chaos of addiction, but do not always have the opportunity to experience full emotional recovery together. They often become stuck in the negative patterns of interaction that are driven by ineffective attempts to feel understood and to have their emotional needs met by their partners. They move from the addiction to a place where they either continue to spin in pain, shame, anger, and resentment, or they disconnect emotionally and feel stuck in a relationship that they feel is emotionally unsafe.
Dr. Adams says that he views the Discovery to Recovery workshop series as “an invitation to integrate recovery concepts as a couple.” This requires a paradigm shift—the perception must move away from the problem of the individual toward the solution that can be provided as a couple. The solution involves healing through emotional reconnection and attachment repair.

One participant who recently completed the workshop said, “This workshop facilitated an 180-degree shift in how we have been relating to each other. We were very much stuck in conflict and separate corners, wanting to come together, but lost as to how to do that. This workshop showed us how to soften toward each other to allow the connection we both wanted to find, a starting place.”

How Change Happens

First order change happens when something, usually a behavior, changes to restore balance. Most recovery work begins this way.

The final phase of the Discover to Recovery workshop focuses on making second order change, which happens when a completely new way of seeing things is created, or when a major paradigm shift is internalized. Some people see it as a shift in how we view and maintain first order change. In that way, second order change in couples supports first order change, while allowing a complete transformation in the system of the coupleship.

Second order change for couples involves rewriting a new narrative for the relationship that includes a deeper level of connection and shifts the focus from the issues in the relationship to the process by which couples can deal with those issues. Learning how to interact in more tender, loving, responsive, and emotionally connected ways can promote second order change through the development of a more secure attachment.

An eclectic blend of therapeutic approaches makes this amazing workshop unique. It provides what many experts feel is the missing piece in sexual addiction recovery. Experiential work helps couples achieve deeper connection and move toward second order change. After the pain of disclosure and the vulnerability of emotional impact and emotional restitution, this workshop offers couples the opportunity to truly heal with one another and to achieve a level of attachment and intimacy that they never thought possible—intimacy beyond their wildest dreams.

“This workshop was amazing!” said one of our recent participants. “The structure of the week and the support and guidance of the facilitators provided an atmosphere that allowed my wife and me to change the trajectory of our marriage. It is not often that I am surprised by anything, but this week blew past my expectations. I am more hopeful for my marriage now than I have ever been.”

For more information on the Discovery to Recovery workshop series call 866-977-8770 or visit www.rioretreatcenter.com.

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What Is Pornography Addiction?

Lauren Timmermans, LAC, MBA, CSAT
Primary Therapist, Gentle Path at the Meadows

The viewing of pornography can absolutely exist comfortably within a relationship in which both partners have discussed usage openly and find their relationship pleasing and gratifying. Of the large number of people who view pornography at some point in their lives, only a small percentage of those individuals become addicted. For those who are addicted, pornography is a compulsion in which the individual has become powerless in the face of the “drug” and their lives have become unmanageable.

In 2008, the Internet Filter Learning Center estimated that 12 percent of the Internet consists of pornographic images or videos. Through its accessibility, affordability, and anonymity, internet pornography has increasingly attracted a wider audience. Studies have shown that an estimated 50 percent of all Internet traffic is related to sex or sexual images. Additionally, 13 percent of the United States population consumes pornography regularly; 75 percent of the viewers are male.

Three Types of Pornography Users

Dr. Carnes identifies three types of cybersex and online pornography users:
Recreational users consist of those who watch pornography in ways that are both appropriate and inappropriate, satisfy curiosity, and for educational and exploration purposes.

At-risk users are more vulnerable to compulsion, depression or stress-induced viewing. Often times, this individual is able to resist until exposed to pornography.

Sexually compulsive users are typically viewing 11 or more hours of pornography a week and have established a compulsive pattern that could be making their lives unmanageable.

Watching pornography creates an emotional bond with an artificial word. That makes it increasingly difficult to bond with real people in everyday life. It can also lead to a life where sex is void of intimacy. Sex becomes about the behavior and not about the emotion, nurturance, intimacy, and love we get through a true connection with a partner.

Another side effect that has become more evident in recent years is the escalation of the viewing. An individual can begin to view themes or genres they may once not have considered in order to get the same dopamine hit they got when they initially started watching pornography.

Signs That Your Pornography Use is Problematic

How do you know if you or a loved one potentially has a problem? Read through this list and keep track of how many resonate:

1. Preoccupation with pornography on the Internet.
2. Frequently engaging in pornography, engaging in it for prolonged periods of time, or engaging in it for longer than intended.
3. Repeated unsuccessful efforts to control or stop viewing pornography.
4. Restlessness or irritability when attempting to limit or stop engaging in pornography on the Internet.
5. Using pornography on the Internet as a way to escape from problems or to relieve feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety or depression.
6. Returning to pornography on the Internet day after day in search of increasingly more intense sexual content
7. Lying to family members, therapists, or other to conceal consumption of pornography
8. Committing illegal sexual acts in the viewing of pornography (viewing underage pornography or soliciting illegal behaviors.)
9. Jeopardizing or losing significant relationships, jobs, or education because of pornography viewing behaviors
10. Incurring financial consequences due to pornographic viewing.

Pornography Addiction Help

If you or your loved one identifies with three or more of these behaviors, it may be worth addressing with a behavioral health professional, particularly a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). By seeking help, individuals who identify with these characteristics can make positive changes to their personal relationships, realign with their higher power, regain time that was spent on addiction, and engage more fully in life. Also, feel free to give one of the Gentle Path at The Meadows Intake coordinators a call at 866-531-8912  or contact us to find out if an inpatient sex addiction treatment program might be right for you.

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