What Were They Thinking? Wealth, Power and Sexual Addiction

Earlier this week, news broke that Jared Fogle, the well-known spokesman for Subway, was at the center of an FBI investigation. No details have been confirmed at this time, but many speculate that the investigation is related to the recent arrest of an executive of the Jared Foundation on child pornography charges. (Fogle himself has not been arrested or charged with a crime.)

This news comes on the heels of the release of court documents in which veteran comedian Bill Cosby admitted to giving women sedatives in the pursuit of sex. And, similar shocking revelations have come to light in the past year pertaining to Stephen Collins from the popular 90s TV show 7th Heaven, and to Tiger Woods, who is rumored to have relapsed into his sexual addiction by cheating on girlfriend Olympic gold medalist Lindsay Vonn.

When these stories come to light, the same questions begin to appear on social media sites, in our offices, and around our dinner tables: “What is wrong with these men? How could they do these things? And, why can’t they stop?”

There are, of course, no easy answers to these questions. And, it would be too presumptuous for us to speculate about any of these men without any direct knowledge or understanding of their personal histories. But, here at Gentle Path at The Meadows, we do see some common behavioral patterns that emerge among our patients that have parallels to what we’re seeing in the news.

Entitlement

One of the patterns that we most often see with clients who are caught up in destructive sexual behavior is a struggle with an enormous amount of social or political pressure. Although this pressure in no way serves as an excuse for their behavior, it does often lead them to feel entitled to act out in destructive ways and, frankly, to not experience any negative consequences for it.

Their distorted thinking tells them that they’ve earned the right to do these things because “they work so hard” and “do so much.” On top of that, the constant scrutiny that they are under in the media and in other social arenas often fuels anger and resentment. The more anger, resentment, and pressure that exists, the more entitled they feel and the more destructive their behaviors become.

Over time, without intervention, the behavior will continue to get worse, sometimes leading to acting out that is even more offensive in nature. That’s when legal consequences and news stories often emerge.

Narcissism

Another common pattern we see in clients is the presence of narcissistic personality traits. These traits can include grandiosity, entitlement, exploitation of others, arrogance, repeated law-breaking, impulsivity, lying, aggressiveness, and lack of remorse or empathy.

According to a recent study, these same personality traits are associated with behaviors related to sex trade use, use of drugs with sex, soliciting sex with money or drugs, hurting and exploiting adults sexually and sexually exploiting children. Grandiosity, in particular, seems to have the strongest link to sexual acting out.

These traits are addressed early in treatment at Gentle Path through an exercise related to the first step of the 12-step model: admitting one’s powerlessness in the face of sexual addiction. This first step serves as a powerful challenge to grandiose, narcissistic, and antisocial traits, enabling patients to begin to take an honest stock of the damage caused by their actions and inactions and proceed with greater openness to restorative treatment.

There is Hope

For the bystander, it may seem like “these men will never learn.” But, for those who are willing to acknowledge their problem and do the difficult and painful work of addressing their underlying issues, change is possible. Many men who have been through the program at Gentle Path report to us that they feel free from much of the shame that came with their sexual addiction, and that they have been able to regain their self-respect and restore relationships with their friends and loved ones.

If you or someone know is struggling with a sexual addiction, we’re here for you, 24 hours a day.

Visit us here or call 855-333-6076 to find out how we can help.

Why Sex Addiction Isn't About Sex

Primary Therapist, Gentle Path at the Meadows

When our culture hears about a person with sex addiction, often the automatic assumption is that he (or she) must like a lot of sex. In light of the nature of their behaviors, sex addicts are also often labeled as perverted, creepy, or strange.

These distorted perceptions aren’t just limited to the public, but are often among the core beliefs that sex addicts have about themselves. As patients engage in treatment and begin to understand themselves better, they often begin to realize that their behaviors are not solely about the sex itself, but about some larger constructs.

IT’S ABOUT COPING SKILLS

As a treating therapist, I’m aware from the moment a patient enters my office, that the symptoms associated with sex addiction have less to do with sex, and more to do with limited coping skills for what is often an intense amount of pain. This is not to say that the sexual behaviors are excusable, but it does help us to shift the focus from the stigma of sex addiction and onto its possible underlying causes.

THE ROLE OF TRAUMA IN SEX ADDICTION

For many sex addicts, their problematic sexual behaviors developed early in their lives as a way to deal with significant stressors or trauma. For example, compulsive masturbation often stems from a child’s early learning about how to self-soothe in a chaotic home environment. At its onset, this coping skill was not necessarily problematic. But for sex addicts, the behavior becomes problematic when they do not acquire a more expansive set of coping skills as they continue to develop. This is just one example of the many ways in which engaging in normal and pleasurable sexual behavior may develop into problematic sexual behavior.

It is important to recognize that in our most functional human state we use a variety of coping mechanisms, including positive sexual behavior, to regulate ourselves, and that is not necessarily pathological or problematic. What can become compulsive, and perhaps problematic, is when this is one of our only coping mechanisms to regulate stress and anxiety over time.

FINDING THE ROOT CAUSES

As treatment providers, we work with patients to look at both the sexual behavior itself, and also at what may drive it. Sex addicts often have an immense amount of shame around their sexual behavior, so it’s important to help them understand any connections that may exist between specific sexual behaviors and their pasts.

But, some of their unwanted sexual behaviors are more about activating a part of the brain that allows them to numb out, dissociate, fantasize, or even feel deprived in order to provide some temporary relief from their emotional pain. In these cases, we would want to spend some time focusing on why a patient may choose these ways of responding, and what other coping skills they may need to develop in order to feel better about themselves rather than perpetuate the cycle of toxic shame they experience after engaging in their addictive behaviors.

CREATING LASTING CHANGE

The vast majority of addicts that we work with express an adamant desire to stop engaging in the use of alcohol, drugs, and to stop acting out sexually. Many of them can also identify numerous failed attempts to stop their behavior.

Before we make assumptions about what the behaviors associated with sex addiction mean, it is worth stepping back and considering the bigger picture. Moving towards lasting change with sex addiction means that we must examine both the behaviors themselves and the stories surrounding them. This opens the door for compassion, which is an essential component of the process of healing from sex addiction.

Gentle Path at The Meadows Offers Couples Recovery Workshop

Gentle Path at The Meadows has announced the addition of Couples Recovery Workshop to its services available to patients. Designed by Kenneth M. Adams, PhD, CSAT, with input from over a dozen leading national experts and Gentle Path at The Meadows clinical and executive teams, this program emphasizes hope for couples struggling with sexual addiction to recover trust and intimacy in their relationship.
"This unique program offers couples a one-of-a-kind opportunity to heal from the impact of sex addiction through a series of intensive workshops that track specifically the couple’s needs from disclosure to renewal,” said Adams. “Long overdue, it is my sincere hope that this program becomes an important contribution to the support of couples wanting to rebuild shattered lives."
The Couples Recovery Workshop, based on a developmental model of couple's healing from the impact of sexual addiction, encompasses sound clinical and research-based components of sex addiction, complex partner trauma, and couples treatment. Workshop participants can choose from three specific modules that can be taken together or separately to shape treatment for optimal timing and needs. Modules include:

• Disclosure: From Secrecy to Transparency
• Impact: From Recognition to Amends
• Reconciliation: From Grief to Renewal

Allan Benham, Executive Director for Gentle Path at The Meadows, says, “This workshop is an exciting addition to our sex addiction treatment program. It offers couples a chance to address the impact of sexual addiction on the couple in a supportive, respectful, and caring format.” He adds, “We’re excited about this workshop helping us to more completely serve all of those who are impacted by this disease and working with the providers who send us their suffering couples to work with by providing specific written follow-up plans after each workshop module to guide the couple and their on-going treatment provider.”

Gentle Path at The Meadows is a confidential inpatient treatment center for men 18 and older who battle sexual addiction, relationship addiction, and sexual anorexia. To learn more about Gentle Path at The Meadows’ work, contact an intake coordinator at 855-333-6076

BREAKING NEWS: Changes in treatment landscape for sex addiction, as Carnes relocates Gentle Path to The Meadows

The expert who is perhaps most identified with advances in the assessment and treatment of Sex Addiction is relocating his trademarked treatment approach. Patrick Carnes, PhD, is leaving Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services in Mississippi and taking his Gentle Path program to The Meadows in Arizona, which will launch the 26-bed Vista residential program for adult men in October.

The announcements of changes at Pine Grove and The Meadows have followed each other by a few days over the past week. In a letter attached to a Pine Grove news release stating that little will change clinically with a sexual addiction treatment program that Carnes started there 10 years ago, Carnes emphasized lifestyle factors in his decision not to renew his contract with Pine Grove when it expires this September.

“The key factor in this shift is facing the reality of approaching 70 years of age,” Carnes wrote. “It takes more time to stay healthy as I get older.” However, Carnes added that he will be joining The Meadows’ high-profile faculty, will assist it in launching a new sexual addiction treatment unit, and also will continue to advance the research and data collection agenda of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP).

Carnes added in his letter that he is leaving a “superb staff” and a “smooth running program” at Pine Grove, and will remain involved with program events and alumni.

The Gentle Path program encompasses trauma therapy as well as treatment of addictions and comorbid mental health issues (The Meadows is one of the field’s most prominent providers of trauma-centered care). 12-Step groups and an intensive one-week Family Care Program also are part of the Gentle Path model, and The Meadows intends to supplement the program Carnes founded with features such as equine therapy and its Survivors Workshop.

“I look forward to a collaborative, exciting, and innovative new version of the Gentle Path Program,” Carnes said in a statement from The Meadows. Vista is scheduled to open its doors on Oct. 15.

Pine Grove announced last week that it has begun the process of a rebranding initiative for its program in sexual addictions, intimacy disorders and trauma, though the program itself is not expected to undergo changes. Deborah Schiller continues as program director and Jes Montgomery, MD, is the psychiatric medical director; he has worked with Carnes for more than 20 years.

Partners of Sex Addicts

Partners of sex addicts often experience significant sex addiction-induced trauma. There has been much less research done on partners and spouses of sex addicts than there has been done on the nature of sex addiction in regards to the addicts. Current clinical models have addressed co-addiction or codependency issues that may be occurring in the partners of sex addicts. pornography addiction

This concept comes from Alcoholics Anonymous and was adopted by the Sex Addiction Field and applied to partners and spouses. It defines codependency as an addiction to mood-altering behaviors like being overly passive or excessively nurturing in ways that negatively impact relationships and quality of life.

The reality for partners of sex addicts still continues to be misunderstood, but often partners experience trauma, not just co-dependency issues, from the direct impact of the sex addiction. Some trauma inducing sex addicted actions include:

•    Sexual acting out
•    Relational perpetration
•    Emotional abuse
•    Deception
•    Betrayal
•    Psychological manipulation
•    Compartmentalization

These actions typically result in the partner experiencing:

•     Ego fragmentation
•     Relational and social problems
•   Post-traumatic symptoms, like intrusive memories and negative changes in mood
•    Psycho-biological alterations


Partners of sex addicts can benefit greatly from professional treatment to help them through their crisis. Having a good relationship with a trained therapist in sex addiction can help guide you through this traumatic time and allow you to understand, grow and repair from what’s happened to you. For more information on this subject visit www.gentlepathmeadows.com or call 855.333.6076.