Earlier this week, news broke that Jared Fogle, the well-known
spokesman for Subway, was at the center of an FBI investigation. No
details have been confirmed at this time, but many speculate that the
investigation is related to the recent arrest of an executive of the
Jared Foundation on child pornography charges. (Fogle himself has not
been arrested or charged with a crime.)
This news comes on the heels of the release of court documents in
which veteran comedian Bill Cosby admitted to giving women sedatives in
the pursuit of sex. And, similar shocking revelations have come to light
in the past year pertaining to Stephen Collins from the popular 90s TV
show 7th Heaven, and to Tiger Woods, who is rumored to have relapsed
into his sexual addiction by cheating on girlfriend Olympic gold
medalist Lindsay Vonn.
When these stories come to light, the same questions begin to
appear on social media sites, in our offices, and around our dinner
tables: “What is wrong with these men? How could they do these things?
And, why can’t they stop?”
There are, of course, no easy answers to these questions. And, it
would be too presumptuous for us to speculate about any of these men
without any direct knowledge or understanding of their personal
histories. But, here at Gentle Path at The Meadows, we do see some
common behavioral patterns that emerge among our patients that have
parallels to what we’re seeing in the news.
Entitlement
One of the patterns that we most often see with clients who are
caught up in destructive sexual behavior is a struggle with an enormous
amount of social or political pressure. Although this pressure in no way
serves as an excuse for their behavior, it does often lead them to feel
entitled to act out in destructive ways and, frankly, to not experience
any negative consequences for it.
Their distorted thinking tells them that they’ve earned the right to
do these things because “they work so hard” and “do so much.” On top of
that, the constant scrutiny that they are under in the media and in
other social arenas often fuels anger and resentment. The more anger,
resentment, and pressure that exists, the more entitled they feel and
the more destructive their behaviors become.
Over time, without intervention, the behavior will continue to get
worse, sometimes leading to acting out that is even more offensive in
nature. That’s when legal consequences and news stories often emerge.
Narcissism
Another common pattern we see in clients is the presence of
narcissistic personality traits. These traits can include grandiosity,
entitlement, exploitation of others, arrogance, repeated law-breaking,
impulsivity, lying, aggressiveness, and lack of remorse or empathy.
According to a recent study, these same personality traits are
associated with behaviors related to sex trade use, use of drugs with
sex, soliciting sex with money or drugs, hurting and exploiting adults
sexually and sexually exploiting children. Grandiosity, in particular,
seems to have the strongest link to sexual acting out.
These traits are addressed early in treatment at Gentle Path through
an exercise related to the first step of the 12-step model: admitting
one’s powerlessness in the face of sexual addiction. This first step
serves as a powerful challenge to grandiose, narcissistic, and
antisocial traits, enabling patients to begin to take an honest stock of
the damage caused by their actions and inactions and proceed with
greater openness to restorative treatment.
There is Hope
For the bystander, it may seem like “these men will never learn.”
But, for those who are willing to acknowledge their problem and do the
difficult and painful work of addressing their underlying issues, change
is possible. Many men who have been through the program at Gentle Path
report to us that they feel free from much of the shame that came with
their sexual addiction, and that they have been able to regain their
self-respect and restore relationships with their friends and loved
ones.
If you or someone know is struggling with a sexual addiction, we’re here for you, 24 hours a day.
Visit us here or call 855-333-6076 to find out how we can help.
